Hi pretties! I’ve been blogging for almost 10 years at this point. Can you believe it? A decade of my life dedicated to a lot of online spaces. Here are some of my favorite blog posts that I’ve written over the years!
Taking a hiatus: Life Update
Blog: Blush and Peony
Date written: October 14, 2020
This post was written hours after my dad passed away, and it’s one of my rawest, if not the rawest, moment I’ve had on the internet. The pure rawness of it is why this post is one of my favorite blog posts, despite the difficult circumstances.
The blog post
Hey lovely people,
I honestly don’t know where to go with this post, but here goes.
I know it’s been two weeks since I posted, but if you read my Sunday Post and the Life Update, you’ll know that my dad has been in hospice since August even though he didn’t want to, it would give him a comfortable and dignified death at home.
Well, sadly that didn’t happen.
On Sunday, October 11, my brother did visit my dad and the whole family, and about 30 minutes after my brother left for the night, my dad started to complain about difficulty breathing and requested that we call 911 so he could go to the hospital. My mom called 911 and not even five minutes later (or was it 10 minutes later), the paramedics arrive at the house, assess my dad, and take him to the hospital, with my mom driving because of COVID rules stating that nobody else could share the ambulance ride with him. I had a massive panic attack because I thought that would be the last time I would see my dad. Luckily, that was wrong and my mom came home the next morning, and I drove to the hospital separate from her to see my dad. He was doing okay then, but he could barely talk because of the morphine that they had infused in him along with the regular IV drip. I left at around 3 to do some grocery shopping, and then went in the hospital the next day before work to see him, where he was doing okay, just had some difficulty breathing but the normal kind.
About an hour before I had to leave, I received a text message from my mom saying that there had been an emergency and that my dad was undergoing palliative sedation, where he wouldn’t wake up. I called her at work and my mom said he was given a few hours or a few days. At this point, I’m sending frantic panicked texts to my managers (who are the absolute best and let me take until Monday off, which is when I go back, but changes pending), and decide to leave early and essentially haul ass to the hospital because at this point as I’m hysterically crying all the way there (how I didn’t get pulled over or hit anything or anyone is beyond me) because I’m trying to get there before my dad dies.
My dad had been moved to a hospice unit at this time, and was breathing really hard as the nurse came and got me into the room, and I stay until 10:45 pm just to say goodbye to my dad because I don’t like sleeping in hospitals and I wanted to give my mom and him some privacy.
About 4 hours later, my dad sadly passed away at 2:50 am (today, October 14). He was 63.
I spent every possible moment with him before work and on my off days because I wanted to wait until it was an actual emergency, but it happened anyway. It’s so funny how someone could go from being okay to being dead in a matter of hours, and even though today is the first day that I’m living without him, it’s extremely f**king hard, especially with my birthday being 11 days away.
I’ve decided to take a hiatus from this blog for the forseeable future to allow myself to grieve. I do have some posts in my drafts which I probably will put up, but for now, if you follow me on Twitter you will mainly see old posts being re-promoted. Just know in the future, if you do see happy go lucky posts about eyeshadows and lipsticks, just know I am not, and will not be for a long time.
xx
Things You’ll Know if you Grew Up Chinese American
Blog: Blush and Peony
Date written: February 15, 2020
This post was written after reading Daisy’s experiences on being British-born Chinese. Her posts inspired me to make this post, and it’s something I would consider implementing into this blog as well.
The blog post:
Not many of you know this, but I am actually a Chinese born American, even though I was born in Singapore. There are a lot of things you’ll be familiar with if you’re also Chinese American, or even British-born Chinese or Australian-born Chinese.
- You know every lyric from this song thanks to all the wuxi movies your parents have watched
- You have numerous aunts and uncles who you have no memory of, yet they’ve known you since you were a baby.
- You know most of the Asian supermarkets where you live…and which ones are good and which ones are bad.
- You’ve been enrolled in Chinese school as a kid
- The Asian Grading Scale memes.
- Constantly being compared to your siblings or cousins when you were a kid
- Tiger Balm being the Chinese equivalent of Vaporub
- Getting a 红宝 during Chinese New Year/Lunar New Year from your parents, but also every auntie and uncle you know
- Being asked if you know karate/kung fu
- Every video game fun time being somehow turned into a competition of who can get the highest score or the highest killstreak
- You also know all the best dim sum spots in town
- You have had strangers try to guess your ethnicity
- Your parents forcing homeopathic treatments on you when you’re sick (such as that weird green oil, soups, and many other herbal medicines and teas)
This was meant to be a lighthearted take on things that Chinese people born abroad (especially in the US, UK, Canada, or Australia) face, and it’s a start for me writing about my experiences being a Chinese born American.
Are you Chinese or are familiar with Chinese culture? Do any of these apply to you?
Am I A Failure?
Blog: Hello, it’s Winnie
Date written: August 21, 2021
This post was written a couple of weeks after I moved to Texas and had gotten hired for a new job, but unfortunately, training had filled up. I remember feeling frustrated that day, and overwhelmed with negativity because all I wanted to do was start working. However, it all worked out in the end.
The blog post:
Normally I don’t do spur-of-the-moment posts, but this one is going to be a spur-of-the-moment post.
Today I was supposed to be starting a new job…only to be told that training had filled up and that I would have to wait until September 7 to officially start. Of course, I had waited there for an hour because I thought that I would start training immediately. Of course, when that happened, I was angry, heartbroken, and I called my mom to come to get me. I immediately started applying for other positions, because I thought that they didn’t want me. I thought that I was worthless because I now had to wait another nineteen days to start this job, and I’d already submitted my two weeks notice at my old job, thinking I would be starting today.
I honestly hope that it was just a case of miscommunication and that I will actually start training on the 7th.
But at that moment, I felt like a failure. I felt like I’d failed my mom, myself, everyone because I couldn’t start immediately as I had hoped. I had to wait three weeks-three weeks without income, with my blogs not making a single penny.
At that moment I asked myself whether or not I was a failure, because it sure felt like I was one.
I know to a lot of people I am not a failure, but even the tiniest setbacks like this can instantly put me in a bad mood. It’s my fault, I should have done better. It’s hard for me especially considering I am living by myself and I want to make my parents and relatives proud of me.
“Am I a failure?” is the most common question I ask myself. Mainly because it seems like no matter how hard I try, I always experience a setback. Got a job interview? They don’t offer me the job. Got a good blog post? Met with negative comments. Want to stream? Met with no viewers. It’s so discouraging when I experience this because it feels like no matter how hard I try it seems like it’s either all for nothing or not even worth it. It’s also hard for me to break out of this mindset as well, because, well, it is seriously hard to not consider yourself a failure when you’ve experienced setback after setback like I have.
However, I am trying to be kind to myself. When I first moved to Texas all I did was cry because I missed the comforts of home. All I wanted to do was run back home but my mom and a few friends encouraged me to try it out as I had only been there a month, so I am trying to stay positive. I am also blocking and deleting the negative comments on my blog and getting a feel for streaming again.
I know it’s hard to break yourself out of that “I’m such a failure and a disappointment to everyone” mindset when something goes wrong, but we all need to be kind to ourselves, especially if we’ve had a lot going on.
15 Adult Things I Still Haven’t Done or Can’t Do or Don’t Have
Blog: Blush and Peony
Date written: August 27, 2019
This post was written shortly after I was let go from my work study job, and I just felt like making a list of “adult” things I haven’t done or can’t do. I’m happy to say some of the things on that list have been completed, such as going on a date.
The blog post:
At 24 (almost 25), there should be some “adult” things I should probably know by now, but don’t and would probably be f**ked if an emergency came up, so here they are!
Changing a tire-If I ever get stuck on the road because of a flat tire, F in the chat.
Saving money-I’m trying to learn this, but yeah I’m terrible at saving
Investing in stocks-Someone help me learn.
Investing in a 401k-I keep telling myself I’ll invest when I’m 30…
Moving out-I’m gonna do this when I finally get my damn degree I promise!
A college degree-One more year to go!
Savings account-I’m gonna open one later this year because I need to
Cook proper food-I’m still learning but at least I haven’t burnt down the house
Found an adult job-Aka not retail or food.
Found an adult book-I’m slowly going into that territory, but I can’t let go of my young adult fiction
Hotwire a car-If my car ever runs out of battery I’m also screwed
Buying groceries-This is what I get when I still live at home rip
Gone on a date-Rip love life
Parallel parking-I’ve only done this once when taking driver’s ed in school, haven’t used it again since
Bought proper business clothes-Cuz no job yet.What are some adult things you still can’t do/haven’t done/don’t have?
LIFE UPDATE: HE BROKE UP WITH ME, GRADUATION, CERTIFIED
Blog: I Am Amterdamedd
Date written: January 3, 2017
Talk about a memory unlocked. This post is from my very first blog. I ran that blog from June 2015 until early 2017, when I decided to rebrand and ditch that blog entirely. This post was also written shortly after my partner at the time broke up with me because the spark had all but dissolved.
The blog post:
There’s a lot to update you on. A lot.
First off, my boyfriend, now my ex, dumped me cruelly via a half-assed Whatsapp message (will be about a month ago when this post releases), and that led to me saying some nasty things and he blocked me from Whatsapp and Facebook. In retaliation, I decided to block all his social media outside of Facebook, block his number, and I managed to sell one of he rings he gave me. I have all but purged his existence out of my mind and cannot wait to begin dating someone else.The second thing is that I have gotten my CompTIA A+ certification and have graduated from my IT program and am currently in the process of looking for a full time job. Having a full time job means that I will have less time to devote to the blog, but on weekends I will be free. But that depends as IT support jobs have quite the hours.
Anyway, that’s the update for today!
Winnie
What are your favorite blog posts that you’ve written?
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